Today is the anniversary of my father's passing. To honor him and all that he is to me and my family, I'd like to share the passage I read at his service; years later, it remains a poignant reminder of all that I have learned from him and how much he will always mean to me.
One of the first things people learn about me is that my dad is a very important person in my life. No matter how many years have passed I never stopped being his “little girl”, and it was a position I gladly held on to and will always cherish. In my eyes he had all of the answers, and could fix any situation. He made me feel safe in the world. I never doubted his love, not for a moment, and he always made time for me regardless of the situation or the time of day. Being his daughter made me feel special and valued, and truly blessed.
He taught me invaluable life lessons. From a very early age he taught me to love. When I was a little girl, at dinner parties’ guests would ask, “What’s Kelley’s bedtime?” My dad’s response was that it was more important to teach me to love people then to put me to bed on time.
He had an ease about him, with his inviting warm smile, and giving joyful spirit, it made it easy to reach out to new people and possible to maintain long term friendships as well. From the bank manager, to the mailman, to the closest of friends he valued people most of all.
He taught me to care for others, and always share the things that I was blessed to have in my life. He and my mom took people in to our home on several occasions. I used to joke that my parents must surely be running a halfway house because there seemed to always be someone coming in to “stay for awhile” or to do an odd job until they could “get on their feet.”
He taught me to be open to people of all religions, races, and economic levels. As a child he grew up with a white father and a black and Native American mother during a time when segregation was the norm. He spoke of being a member of the human race, never identifying with just one race, never wearing a label, and always treating others with equality and respect. When I was a child living in Carmel, California my mom and dad gave up their life, and moved away from the comfort of their friends, to move to Tacoma where I could be exposed to, and build relationships in a diverse community.
He taught me to forgive and not to hold ill feelings in my heart. Watching how he opened his arms to people that had hurt him taught me that moving past hurt to forgiveness, and loving people in spite of circumstance, is as important for the other person as it is for you.
He taught me to focus- it took me 30ish years to learn that lesson, but I understand the importance of that now. He used to say, “honey, when you are in the classroom you have to leave everything else at the door and pick it back up on your way out. Without that ability success will escape you.”
He taught me that all good things in life – love, success, financial stability takes sacrifice. I have heard him say, “you can’t have anything in life without making some sacrifices,” on many occasion.
He taught me about the value and importance of a strong partnership, and marriage, in the way he loved and cared for my mother. They were truly partners, friends, and lovers. He cared for her with a gentle and giving heart and honored her as she honored him. As she took him coffee in bed every day, he made sure she had anything she needed to live a comfortable life. They helped each other to see life differently. Later in life I was able to watch them care for one another in sickness, and it was with such concern, love, and tenderness that they seemed to be able to battle anything as long as they had each other.
I share all of this to conclude with a short story and an important message. One day driving home from a chemotherapy treatment my dad looked at me and asked if I thought he preached enough. I laughed and said, “ Are you kidding me?” (Based on the fact that I was sometimes more afraid of the lecture than the lesson) He said, I don’t mean preaching to you (he chuckled) I meant do you think people know I am a Godly man, someone with a great faith.” I answered, “Dad, you don’t have to worry, people can’t help but know. You don’t have to preach to anyone to know that you are a man of God; it shines through in the way you treat people and live your life every day.”
That’s it; my dad has been a good example and an amazing gift to those that knew him. He lived his life loving and caring for others with an open and forgiving heart, and I am proud to say he’s my dad.
His legacy will live on within me, in the choices I make and how I treat others each day. Thank you Dad for loving me and teaching me to love.
