This post isn't about design, or making something pretty, it is about transition. I am moving on to a new chapter both emotionally and physically (with my official move to SF) and am reminded that sharing your truth with others can help and/or comfort someone else - so I thought I would give this forum a try. Cleansing for me, hopefully helpful for some of you.
Over the past year my life has been turned upside down. Nothing is the same as it was, and being in my forties I would never have guessed that would be the case. When I was in my 20's, I thought in my 40's I would be living in a home in a great marriage, with kids running around, surrounded by a lot of friends, with my own show somewhere in tv land. Fast forward to the present, it looks nothing like the picture my 20 year old self painted. The reality is that in less than a year:
...I moved to NYC to chase a dream
...my marriage ended
...I've battled my health
...I've lost some friends
...my career shifted
...and I moved to SF
After all of that I found that...
I have spent way too much time worrying about what everyone in my life thinks. What they think of my career, my relationships, how I spend my time and money, and the choices that I make. The entire time I was worrying, and praying, that they didn't think I was crazy. I spent my time tap dancing, trying to be someone everyone would love (throwing huge parties, growing a very visible brand, etc.), that I didn't spend time figuring out who I was behind all of that. And, as entertaining as tap dancing may be it is exhausting.
The bottom line is that I have been so busy trying to get to where I thought I was supposed to be, that I never figured out who I am outside of it all...
I learned the hard way that....
True friends love your crazy, and if you are off track they love you enough to stay by your side until you can figure it out. I moved to New York last year to chase a dream, away from my husband, friends, and family. The ripple affect it had on my life was massive. The gift from that experience is that my friends were revealed, and I am secure that they are here for the long haul.
Which leads me to...
...life is hard enough, don't waste one second of your time with people who judge you or bring you down.
In regards to who I am, in relation to the choices that I make, I have found that my passion for life can overwhelm my ability to think straight which leads me to make decisions that aren't always the best for me or for those around me. Ergo...
...then have the confidence to know that...
In regards to my career, I have always known that you can't have cool opportunities by just dreaming about them...
...with that said, from the wise words of Marilyn herself remember that...
Which leads me to where I am now: discovering the depth of who I am, finding the balance between my personal life and my professional life, and appreciating the gift of true friends.
With the craziness, sadness, and shift of the last year it has also been the birth of so many gifts.
...I have a job where we are building something that is cutting edge, I am part of a very talented team of people who I just so happen to enjoy hanging out with too, my daily work combines my love for design and my skill set of being in front of the camera, and it allows me the time to have a life not just a career.
...I have new insight and appreciation of my friendships.
... a deeper relationship with my family.
...new people in my life to enjoy.
...and more knowledge about myself to explore and grow as I move forward.
The biggest lesson of them all:
...and realize that...
16 comments:
Hey pal - been wondering what's going on with you (I do keep up via FB and your blog - and have purchased stuff from Joyus) Wanting the best for you . . . take care
Maude
I have to tell you I NEVER write these comments on blogs but I felt compelled because in reading your confession here I truly hope you are a changed person. When I used to hang at Muse in QA you and your ex came across not just to me but to many as a couple of self absorbed people that either deserved each other or would eventually kill each other. Its good to know you both took care of it and are still standing. Here is hoping you learned and hopefully turned over a new leaf. Hopefully this behavior came out because of your struggle together vs. your separate behavior. It was really was painful to watch. You sure are a talented designer so best of luck and all the success you can handle.
Maude, SO good to hear from you and know that you are still in my life in a way. You are one of the most creative and talented women I know and it was a pleasure working together. I wish you all the best and would love to have coffee the next time I am in town.
Anonymous, well thanks for the comment. With that said, as I wrote in my post I have gotten to the point that I respect people who are non-judgmental and understand that everyone has their path. I'm not one to judge how people evolve or handle their life. From the outside it may look one way, but from the inside you never know what people are going through. Just a reminder, that if you can't say something nice it is better to say nothing at all.
I never comment on blogs either, in fact, I never have, but felt compelled to today due to your beautiful post. Isn't perspective an interesting thing? Sometimes I even think that we don't see things as they are, but rather, we see things as we are.
Thank you so much for your post today, Kelley. You are so brave to share your story. This has been a challenging year for me as well, in such similar ways. I think you're much further in the healing and dusting yourself off department than I, and it was so good to hear your excitement and hope for the future. You're timing today was perfect... Thank u! Jeannine
Well I would respectfully disagree with you. Observations are just that. You can learn from them or you can continue bad behavior. The one thing you said I totally totally agree with you and that is be yourself and some people leave and the real friends stay. At the end of the day no one is really right or wrong but the way you treat others really says a lot. Best of luck to you as you are uber talented in what you do.
Sweet and beautiful Kelley! Transitions are hard and many times tell the true depth of the people we are. I am happy to see that you are embracing the change and are finding aspects of it that allow you to grow on so many levels. Thank you for sharing!
Kelley, my 40's were similar, all kinds of changes, the kind that i never would have imagined, but at soon-to-be 47, my life is beyond what i ever could have imagined, simply because i started listening to my heart and tuning out what i thought i should be doing. the hardest part is hurting feelings along the way. no one wants that. but, it's truly not our job to keep everyone around us happy, our only job is to keep ourselves in a peaceful, compassionate state, completely aware of what we need to create our own happiness. when i was going through that time in my life, i read Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth, along with Oprah's book club. It helped me understand this concept so much that I'm about to launch a free 10 week tele-workshop where we all go through the book together. It is such an amazing piece of work, I just want more people to read it and take advantage of the free webcasts Oprah still has on her web site! It sounds like you're doing just fine on your own, but check out the book if you're interested, or re-read it if you already have read it. No matter what's going on in your life, it helps to have all of the tools and support you can, to keep reminding you of your purpose.
Take care,
Denese
Kelley- Don't listen to the backhanded, passive-aggressive compliment post by "anonymous". People like that are bullies and usually not truly happy with themselves as you probably already know. I didn't know you here in Seattle, but I do know Brent, and he never came across as self absorbed to me- just outgoing and social. What you had between you can never be judged by an outsider and is really none of their business. I was impressed by the candor of your post and think you were very brave to expose yourself like that. Keep growing and don't let others get in your way. Good luck with your dreams! Looks like they are happening!
Kelley, I just want to applaude you for having the courage to write this post. There will always be bumps on this road through life and mistakes will inevitably be made - it's what you learn along the way that makes it all so worthwhile. Don't let "anonymous" others get in the way of your dreams and peace of mind. Best of luck to you!
Kelley, I just wanted to reach out and let you know how moving your post was. I only know you through the words you write but admire your spirit, attitude and talents more than you can know. Two years ago I too thought I was on the path that I was meant the be on, owning my own store for 9 years, which was a lifelong dream. Through a series of trials and triublations and a bad business partnership with someone that was dishonest and unloyal I was faced with closing my store which was like losing a piece of my soul. What I realized through all of that was that I had been investing more in how I made others feel than how I made myself feel. I let someone else take command of my dream rather than loving myself enough to do what was right for me. Like you, I am unfolding a new chapter in my life, loving and valuing myself first and believing in my dreams again. Your post is an inspiration. I wish you all the success, love, happiness and joy that I know and believe you deserve!
Sending a big hug your way!
If you haven't already read Holly's post over at Decor8 today, check it out. Another great post on transitions and finding yourself.
You are so right! Your post made my day. Sometimes I feel so inadequate in this blog world of 20 somethings who seem to have it all; great jobs, gorgeous babies and perfect ny apartments. I must remember to love who I am and cherish my dear friends and family-that which is truly important.
You're a strong women and everything will work out. Thanks for being so real-it has made a difference in the world.
Lisa
Kelley
I just shred your post on facebook and thought it was only right to share it directly with you. Good luck my lovely. As I say the universe is always tapping us on the shoulder but when we don;t listen it sometimes gives us the slap of a hammer to ensure we'll listen. I've had a one of those but a while ago and sweet heart that you are you will recover. SO to the fb comment
Oh boy haven't we all had days and moments like this in our lives. It takes a lot of courage to admit it and more to declare it publicly. Bon voyage on the next part of the journey I say to Kelley, to me, to you and to all of us breathing and being right now x
I really needed to read this today. Thank you. IT is nice to know that there are other people out there who have made some of the same mistakes that I have and have come out the other side better and happier. I am still trying to get there.
Again thank you
I am saving this post so when I have a bad day I can open it and remember to be myself.
Leigh Anne
Hello Kelley,
Kimberly heer and I know that you are going to think this is super random, but here goes. I read this back in August when you first posted it. At the time, I was packing up my condo and disconnecting my cable in preparations of moving to Oxford, Mississippi. When I 1st read the post, I considered posting, but didn't want to seem unhappy with my decision to leave Atlanta. In fact I was more than ready to go. It's just that when you make changes people automatically think something is wrong. Truth is sometimes you just have to have the courage to change becasue shange is necessary. When I left Atlanta, my assistant, business partener and best freind all left with me. No one knew that the other was even considering leaving, but we all left at the same time. Now we are all extremely happy and life has expanded to reach our expectations in ever way. Here's the thing about me. I am not looking for comfort in this life. I like being out there, doing and being more than even I could imagine. In a while you will look at your life and realize that it is and always has been perfect. You'll hate the time you wasted on being thin or rich and start to realize that it's the fun and laughter that matters the most.
I wish you love. I wish you peace. I look forward to the next phase of your life. Keep us posted. I for one will celebrate with you!
Cheers
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